matilda-'s Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- that's not it As I was finishing up the last entry, I get another email from Dick. Grrrrr... It was only some poem his neice wrote and he thought of me. Nice. So I take another look at the other email I was so afraid to look at. Here's how it begins... this isnt what you think. but what is? all this because you refuse to allow anything to proceed. if nothing is what you want. nothing is what you'll have. Thats what I meant, if you change your mind let me know. thats where it is. Ok, I was allowing it to proceed. I was fucking excited about it. More so than any other time. Well, that last time for the slopfest I was just about peeing myself because I was so excited. I was finally ready to do this. He did this. I don't want to point fingers and place blame. But I'd had enough when he ADMITTED to me he wanted to check out the main source, the "original". I don't know why I do this. I can't explain it, can't write it down, can't make anyone understand. I'm fine with him talking to mom. I'm over it. I don't care about that part anymore. The only way I'd care is if he were to visit and there was mom and I'd be wondering what they were thinking. Paranoid? Whatever. I decided he needed to stay there because I was trying to get over him. I think it's a good idea, my shrink sees what I'm saying and says it's probably the best thing. I have little desire to see him. Not right now. I make no promises. And now he wants Tori to "chill". Tori, for whatever reason, saved their last chat and showed me parts of it. That was definitly a goodbye. And I don't know about this... I plan on "working' with your mother. I care for her and want to help her. Help bring her back, since it was my letter to her that helped send her away. Its the least I can do. I think that's great that he's willing to do that for her. But doesn't it sound like he feels he has to or should? That makes me feel sad for mom. But I won't say anything to her about it. She doesn't need to know. I've spent more time on here this morning than I'd intended. It's cool and breezy outside today. The last few days were miserable. I need to go out there, need some alone time. Blah.
11:13 - Saturday, Jun. 08, 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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